In my family, my mother has
always been the one who is sick. Ever since I can remember, I would go with her
on her medical checkups. She has been diagnosed with many diseases and has been
taking more than five medications a day specific for each disease.
My father, on the other hand has
been the strongest. He rarely goes to the hospital, the only time I can
remember he was hospitalized was in 2000 due to kidney disease. When he
suffered a heart attack in 2007, he was only prescribed two medicines-an
antihypertensive drug and aspirin. Though
a little overweight, he looked healthy and younger than any other 71-year olds.
He only had few white hairs, he can lift his grandchildren with ease, and still
goes about his business. He never wanted to retire because he believed it will
only make him weaker. Early morning, you can catch him sitting on his chair watching
cable tv news. Before breakfast, he would drive to the Sports Oval and walk for
around 30 minutes. At lunchtime, he watches Eat Bulaga then dozes off but wakes
up when you switch off the TV. Then he would watch Discovery Channel, National
Geographic or the Lifestyle channel while occasionally looking at the World Map
he posted behind the living room door. When he goes to sleep, you can hear
political issues discussed on his radio until he dozes off again.
He knows which continent does a
country belong, or who is the prime minister of Britain, he knows quite a few
trivial things about the world and he tells them in a matter-of-fact way. He
can compute production costs and profits on a piece of paper, often without an
aid of a calculator. He can compute how many tiles are needed in a 5x10 meter
space and how big each tile is. He can drive for long periods, he goes with me
when running errands and drives any family member to any destination. He was
good in geography; he memorized the towns in Luzon because he loved to travel.
He drives my mom anywhere, and any sick family member to the hospital
especially on emergency cases.
When he recently had his medical
check-up, it was discovered that he has a kidney problem, osteoarthritis,
gastric problem (ileus) and atherosclerosis. Although the doctors assured us
that these were just part of aging and can be managed with medicines, I
believed, compared to my mother, he was very healthy and can do with minimal
health care.
Until last Tuesday, I received a
call from my mother telling me that there was something different with my dad.
His face looked paralyzed on one side, and he was not speaking well. As she was
worriedly saying these things, my mind was running, looking for any
interventions that I learned in nursing school. Turned out, I knew nothing
about stroke. It was a shock to me to know that it was my father, not my mother,
who was having a medical emergency. I was used to hearing my mother over the
phone say that she was having a heart attack, and then I would prompt my father
to console her and bring her to the Emergency Department. I knew my father can
carry my mother to the car, but with my dad’s weight, it would take two to
three men to carry him up the car. I then instructed my mother to tell my
brother to get the car and ask neighbors to help carry my dad to the car. Then
I rushed out of the school, took a cab while giving them instructions. Out of
worry, the interventions I was able to instruct them were those that we do for
heart attacks, this time I was really unprepared. I just knew we only have
minutes before an irreversible damage to occur.
I was beside my father on the
Blue Code area. I held his hand as the doctor asked me questions. When he was
inside the MRI laboratory, I silently prayed that the stroke was only acute and
if there was damage, may it be minimal. When he came out, he was already able
to speak well and when he returned to the bed, he looked and acted like he didn’t
even suffer a stroke. I was relieved, though the MRI showed there was indeed a
stroke, because of the small dark spot on film that is conclusive of
unoxygenated brain tissue. It was easy for my family to understand the
condition of my father because I know what happened and I was able to relate to
my family what happened.
It was the first time my father
held my hand for so long. He held my mother’s hand and my brother’s and each of
us taking turns. I knew he was afraid and so was I.
When his vital signs stabilized
and was cleared to go to a regular room instead of the Intensive Care Unit, I
knew he was alright and will be sent home soon.
We usually
spend time together by running errands or I would always accompany him on his
trips, but this time I was his private duty nurse, attending to his needs such
as diaper change, bed baths, feeding and providing comfort. He was at first
hesitant, probably because he was not used to being weak and somebody else
doing things for him. When I explained to him that this was part of his
recovery, well, he started to be open about how he should be cared for. On his last day in the hospital, the doctor
said my father’s other illnesses, which can be managed again with medicines, I
realized that all this time we were too focused on my mother. My father rarely
complains and is usually does not share his feelings, so I thought he doesn’t
have anything that we should be worry about. Lesson learned: if he’s not
complaining, it doesn’t mean he is not sick.
When he was cleared to go home, I
told him some things will change from now on. I was wrong. A LOT of things will
change from now on.
I
realized the changes as soon as we are about to got home. Who will pick us up
from the hospital, who will go with me to buy the medicines? Because I was used
to having my dad help me in managing the house.
First, medical expenses have gone
up, if before, I would only purchase medicines for my mother, now, I will be purchasing
and preparing medicines for both of them. Second, my dad cannot drive for long
periods now, so running errands will take a slightly different turn. Then, he
has to slow down and avoid stress. We have to make sure that the house is safe
for him, fix the furniture, make sure the bathroom lock has keys, the floor is
not slippery, and remove things we don’t need to avoid accumulation of dust or
allergens. We have to change rooms so he can sleep comfortably, and he cannot
go anywhere alone and someone always has to be there with him. I even have to
make sure his cellphone is always with him and that the line is working. I have
to make sure he complies with his medications and monitor his food intake.
We now have to adopt some family roles
to adapt to this big change in our family. I am not sure how, but we have to.
Though my father was found to have no deficit in sensory, motor, and cognitive
skills, and is fit to continue his activities after a few weeks, I believe it
is time for him to slow down and age healthfully. God has given us the chance
to change our health habits and made me see my father in a different light. W
should not focus on just one parent when it comes to health, we have two
parents and both should receive the same attention like what they have given us
all these years.
I just pray nobody from us will
ever have to suffer a Cerebrovascular accident or stroke just to realize how
fast we are living our lives.
