to J

I just found out that a very good friend of mine just got married. I did not find out about it until, out of boredom, I checked on his profile.

We always chose "married" on our friendster profiles. It was intended to those specific people we chose to declare ourselves married to. That was just to keep the predators away and for the fun of it. But I guess he is no longer fooling around, he is being honest and true to that person he declares himself "married" to.

We lost contact for almost two months now. The last time we spoke to each other was on New year's eve. When we greeted each other "happy new year" and wished that this year will be a lot happier than the previous ones. Fireworks kept us shouting over the phone, hardly hearing each other's voices, we squeezed in 3 minutes all that we wanted to say. When my 3 minute budget call was up, I refused to call him again in spite of the fact that my cellphone load at the time could cover up to an hour of call rates. I wanted to ask him so many questions, how he was, what was he up to, what he plans to do with his so-called life and love issues. I knew that he wanted to share to me all that was bothering him and all that he was praying for. I too wanted to know everything that has been happening to him and all that was haunting him. But instead of asking him all these things right at that moment, I opted that he tell me everything when we meet up. I suggested that we meet sometime, during his break to personally talk and catch up with things. Hoping that in that way, I could help him and make up for all those times that he wanted me to pray for him and pray with him but didn't. I promised. But I was not good in keeping promises, so I have not met up with him up to this day.

He always prayed for my safety, for my Christian life to flourish, for my family, for my academic life that is not so healthy and well, me. He always shared me thoughts to ponder and words to live by. He never failed to send me quotes to inspire me and get more in touch with God's presence. i was very thankful although I never replied right away. Sometimes it would take me hours, days even weeks to thank him. It happens when I really felt like texting, or if again, of boredom. But I really did appreciate every peso that he spent on texting to encourage me. I was fully aware that they were all forwarded messages from his friends or acquaintances but the thought of sending it to someone who really needs them, is something that should not be neglected. His efforts to keep in touch was priceless because he knew that someone on his or my part would get mad and yet he took the risks. All because he was my friend yet I was not to him.
On that fateful day when he told me that he was confused about the existence of the issues in his life. I was completely shocked. He, the servant of God, the ever faithful Christian, would come to me, the backslider, the unfaithful Christian and ask for advice. I did not know what to tell him to do. My words of encouragement were not inspired by God. I could not even find the verses in the Bible that contained the messages of love, care and encouragement. All that I said was that I am willing to listen. Definitely it's not in the Bible. I promised to listen and not judge him as soon as I hear everything. But I am not good with promises. I did not listen, I did not judge but how was I suppose to judge when I did not even know the case?

He was at the crossroads and I was never there to listen. Did I betray him by not not being able to listen to his woes? Yes, because I thought I was his friend. And friends are supposed to be good listeners. They may be absent most of the time but they always listened. I was always absent and never listened and that was the irony of our friendship.

I never got the chance to hear his story, when in the past, he would always hear my story. I remember once that we promised to attend each other's wedding. Again, I broke my promise. I did not attend his wedding. Worse, I did not even do my best to know about his wedding. I do not know what kind of wedding it was that he chose, what was it like or why did it happen in the first place. All I know is that it just happened, that I was not there to witness it. I know too, that it worked out fine. I just pray that it will go on for the rest of his life.

Circumstances did not allow us to meet. God somehow thought that he best share everything not to me but to that person whom he will be spending the rest of his life with. The last time we talked, he was still the bachelor who dreamed of so many things for himself and his loved ones. The last time we saw each other was two years ago, when he almost kissed dating goodbye. But the next time we will talk again, there will still be fireworks of his child's laughter or cries. The next time we meet again, he must be wearing his wedding ring or carrying his baby in his arms.
I just hope that when that day comes, I will be able to keep my promise; to see, to listen and be slient. He may no longer have the interest to tell me the complete story nor will he be able to talk to me in the first place. After all, I was the one who refused to talk. I just hope I will be given a chance to do that which I had promised.